You Magazine 21/1/18
In a few weeks, I’ll be recording a live episode of The Outspoken Beauty Podcast with beauty queen Caroline Hirons and it will be all about vaginas. The podcast will be in a theatre in front of lots of my work colleagues, and I’m blushing just thinking about what they’re going to find out about a part of me that spends most of its life firmly hidden away.
We’re doing the podcast in aid of The Eve Appeal. Their campaign this year is called ‘Get Lippy’ and it encourages us to talk more about our vaginas and, more importantly, about the five types of gynaecological cancer, some of which I didn’t even know existed until I read their website. The idea is that the less bashful and more open we are about our frou frous, the more lives will be saved.
It’s hard to know where to begin. I mean, it isn’t exactly sociably acceptable to go to the pub and start chatting about the fact that you think your labia are too big or that you get recurrent thrush, but what I do know is that the more we normalise what goes on down below, the easier it will be to go to a doctor when we have concerns.
In a bid to get the conversation going, here are a few tips to get you chatting about yours:
Have a look at it
I have friends who have never actually seen what their vaginas look like because they are too embarrassed. Vaginas are quite fascinating and getting to know your own, mirror in hand, is a sure-fire way to have a good relationship with it. Most men I know have a very healthy friendship with their penis and I think women need to follow their lead and get to know their vaginas with pride.
Laugh about it
Hate your pubes? Think your vagina looks gross? Worried your lips are too big/too small/weird? Get heavy discharge? Talk about it with your friends. We all have vagina insecurities and you’ll be surprised to hear that everyone else has exactly the same worries as you. Knowing that “I’m not the only one” always makes me feel much better about things.
Share smear stories
The statistics prove that thousands of us will happily go for a Brazilian wax but are too scared to have a smear test. This baffles me as health is so much more important than a few straggly pubes and yet so many of us put it very last on our list of priorities. Chatting to our friends about our own experiences of smear tests (which are pretty much painless and over so quickly), and reminding each other to get them done is so important and a really kind thing to do for one another.
Be open with your daughter
Although we have kid-friendly names for it, my four-year-old daughter knows that she has a vagina. I walk around the house naked and we talk about it if she wants to. There is no shame or embarrassment when it comes to discussing just another part of our body.
Sex should be honest
If sex hurts or feels uncomfortable, stop. We’ve all been there… you’re trying to please a man so you pretend that it’s all hunky dory but sometimes it’s not. You need to respect yourself and your vagina and so does he. Chat to your partner about what works for you and make sure that he gives your vagina the respect and adoration that it deserves.
See a doctor
Doctors are there to help. Never be embarrassed or scared. If you’re worried, see someone. More often than not it will be nothing but if you have any abnormal symptoms, tell someone. I was recently bleeding a bit in-between periods, which can be a symptom of cervical or uterine cancer. I had a smear and everything is fine. It’s a huge weight off my shoulders.
Your vagina and everything that comes with it is a huge part of who you are. It is part of what makes you a woman and that alone is something to be proud of. Talking openly about your vagina and treating it kindly should be a goal for all of us.
Check out the vagina episode, as well as revealing beauty chats with Elle Macpherson, Myleene Klass and many more by downloading and subscribing to The Outspoken Beauty Podcast on iTunes.
Glamour May 2018
iTunes Beauty Podcast Chart 30/5/18
Nicola Bonn was forever wearing fragrances that made everyone except her happy. Here’s how refusing to conform changed everything…
The year was 1992 and my friends and I were striking up relationships with boys, hormonal acne and The Body Shop’s White Musk. We sprayed it liberally, like it was going out of fashion. That was when I first realised how powerful fragrance could be. Wearing the same scent as my friends made me feel like I was part of a special club – yes, we all smelt the same, but that’s the way we wanted it.
A few years later, White Musk was replaced by more grown-up scents. Some of my friends had moved onto Cacharel’s Lou Lou, while others were playing it safe with Anais Anais, and some were inherently Impulse girls, wearing a headache-inducing amount of the cloying body spray.
Then there was me. An emotional, 14-year-old adolescent who would liberally spray her wrists with her mum’s selection of powerhouse fragrances. For years I’d parade around wearing scents that were quite obviously meant for somebody a lot older than me. Wearing heady perfumes like Ralph Lauren’s Safari, with its notes of cedar, hyacinth and patchouli, or Paloma Picasso – a commanding floral chypre, and Comme Des Garcons 2, an unmistakable rich, incense scent made me feel confident, glamourous and totally carefree.
Things had changed though. Not only had he broken my heart, but he had left me with a host of insecurities. His constant judgement left me questioning everything from my clothes, to my raucous laugh and my taste in fragrance. I no longer had the confidence to wear a perfume just because I loved it. Now it was all about whether other people would like it. The worst offender in my bid to impress others was John Paul Gaultier’s Classique. It’s an iconic scent, but it just didn’t suit me. I stubbornly stuck with it, though, because apparently, it’d make me ‘irresistible’.
As I entered my 20s I carried on conforming. All the cool girls at university wore Cerruti 1881, so I bought myself a bottle. It was pleasant, but not quite right. Over the years there have been the perfumes I’ve loved. Coco Chanel Madamoiselle, Chanel Chance, and my wedding day perfume: Maxmara Le Parfum, which has sadly been discontinued. I bought it on a complete whim, but I still have a tiny bit left in the bottom of the bottle. It’s beautiful and musky, and I often find myself smelling it when I want to be transported back to that day. But I still hadn’t found The One.
Then, before I knew it, I hit my mid-30s and found myself standing in Liberty’s Perfume Room – my favourite beauty destination in the world. I was sniffing Robert Piguet’s Visa like a woman possessed. The notes of vanilla, pear and orange blossom were feminine, sweet, somewhat overbearing – everything I usually steered clear of, yet I couldn’t get enough. It was in that moment I had an epiphany. Why did I care what everyone else thought of my perfume? I should wear it for me and nobody else. So I spent £145 on that small black bottle and felt utterly liberated for the first time in my life. I’d taken my first fragrance risk and I loved every second of it.
As I expected though, my friends and work friends weren’t keen. “It’s not you,” my best friend told me. “You smell like my granny,” said a colleague, and my Mum couldn’t stand it, either. But I didn’t care because I’d had a wake-up call. I realised I was living a lot of my professional life like I wore my fragrance: always worrying about the image I projected. I never truly felt comfortable just being me. On my most recent birthday I took a stand and as I wafted Visa around the room, I made a resolution that I was going to be more confident, more outspoken and worry less about what others thought of me.
It’s been eight months and I’ve stuck to my promise. I’ve never felt happier or stronger. So next time you’re searching for a perfume, leave all of your hang-ups and other people’s expectations at the door and focus on choosing something that really pleases and excites . Go shopping on your own and see it as an exciting journey of discovery. Perfume is the best way to express your individuality and, as I’ve found out, it can also be a fantastic way to get to know yourself better. Just make sure that you choose something that you love. Don’t be afraid to be daring.
Nicola’s top empowering fragrances
Robert Piguet Visa
With notes of pear, vanilla and peach this perfume is unapologetically sweet – reminiscent of Angel but with a twist. Spray liberally and prepare to fall in love with it.
Frederick Malle Portrait of A Lady
A truly inspired work of art with a combination of rose, insense, patchouli and incense. Wear it and feel sophisticated and fabulous.
Floral Street Neon Rose
A gutsy scent, this combines whimsical jasmine and peach nectar with spicy Sichuan pepper. It’s the olfactory embodiment of a light summery dress worn with a sharp leather jacket.
Byredo Mojave Ghost